Leaving Bangkok…

(journal excerpt) February 4, 2012, Bangkok

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Last couple of days in Bangkok on this leg of the trip and we are a bit pressed for things to do, particularly because it’s been raining most days lately and our guesthouse cuts the power every afternoon for an hour or so.  So back to previous discussion re: revelations and what to do next.  I felt like I mistakenly gave the impression that we have all things figured out and we’ve come to some penultimate conclusions about the meaning of life.  Not so.  More confused than ever but I think maybe we are learning how to relax with this chaos a bit more and I think we are also realizing that this chaos and uncertainly comes from within, not extraneous circumstances, like deciding where to move. 

Walking around the deserted wat yesterday (see previous photos), we discussed how important it is not to get too wrapped up in what’s happening next.  The stress of that, and the pressure has the tendency to make both of us edgy and bitchy and there are always some pretty cool things happening right in front of us.  The thing is-while I think goal setting and trying ti improve one’s situation is important, I do think that, speaking for myself, I do need to remind myself that *this* is living, not planning for future jobs that don’t exist yet, not the work itself, not worrying about next month or the one after or five years from now. 

Life is everything that happens in between all of that or as a famous Lennon once said, “…while you are making other plans”.  There is peace and beauty in this very moment, in the sweltering humidity of the rain, sitting here in this cafe, watching traffic and not planning anything…

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I just have to remember that when my mind tries to drive me insane…

Later: additional thoughts on the Pro Japan side-there may be a point when we feel an even stronger pull home in the future-one that cannot be ignored so easily.  At the moment our family is all relatively healthy and well-they do not require our care and aid but one day they will and we would oblige, of course, because we love them and they are our parents.  Perhaps, for now, it makes sense to embrace freedoms we may not have later on?

Also: nagging idea-when one is presented with a series of options, does it not make the most sense to choose the option that contains the most potential for adventure? Am I going crazy? Does life always have to be about the more responsible decision?

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